


on the thames at midnight

by headaaches



Category: The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde - Robert Louis Stevenson
Genre: Genderfluid Character, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Other, References to Depression, Trans Male Character, it's jekyll, it's utterson, nothing happens and no one dies it's just implied that an attempt would have happened, who would have thunk, wow look at that me writing trans characters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-11
Updated: 2019-10-11
Packaged: 2020-12-07 22:02:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,520
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20983091
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/headaaches/pseuds/headaaches
Summary: MAJOR TW for referenced suicide attempt and dysphoria. like i say in the tags it isn't graphic, it's very mild and there's no blood or anything of the sort but there is a reference to it so be careful. and theres like a fade to black with implied s*xual content, again nothing explicit, so be careful with that.





	on the thames at midnight

**Author's Note:**

> MAJOR TW for referenced suicide attempt and dysphoria. like i say in the tags it isn't graphic, it's very mild and there's no blood or anything of the sort but there is a reference to it so be careful. and theres like a fade to black with implied s*xual content, again nothing explicit, so be careful with that.

It was far too dark out, Gabriel noticed as he looked up from his book. He glanced at the clock—it was past midnight, and he was still at his desk in the library.   
He hadn’t even noticed how time flew by. His work for the law degree he was trying to get had been difficult, and he’d been spending long hours at the library to make sure that he stayed caught up. It had been nearly impossible to keep up with it all, but with all the effort he had been putting in, graduate school hadn’t seemed like as much of a challenge as he’d been expecting.   
Rubbing his eyes with one hand, he rose from his seat, feeling a sudden rush of pain to his legs. He'd been sitting for far too long. Of course he had—it was the middle of the night and he'd been working since classes let out at four. He really had to get home.  
Picking up his jacket from the back of his chair, he headed down to the lobby. He waved to the librarian, whom he had gotten to know quite well during his time at university. She waved back.  
“Staying late again, are we, Gabriel?” she said with a smile.  
“You know how late I stay,” he said. “I’ll be back tomorrow, alright?”  
“It’s Friday. You ought to see a friend.”  
“I don’t have any friends.”  
“I worry about you sometimes, Gabriel,” she said, shaking her head. “Please speak to at least one other person besides me before the week is out, alright?”  
“Alright,” he said, waving to her with a smile as he left the library, shivering as soon as he opened the doors. There was a bitterly cold wind blowing, and the winter air stung his face as he made his way down the streets of London. The library was quite far from the rooms he was renting, which made journeys back and forth quite inconvenient, but he supposed it did give him some exercise. That, at least, was one benefit of living on the other side of the city.  
As he made his way across the city, he saw a figure standing on the bridge, right by the edge. The lamplight reflected off of their short hair, gleaming red.   
It was an odd hour of the night to go for a walk, Gabriel thought as he approached the bridge. Why would they be out so late? He couldn’t judge them, though, as he was walking home at that very same hour. He was about to dismiss the whole thing as an eccentric wanderer who preferred walking at night when they climbed onto the wall along the side of the bridge.   
“Excuse me!” he called out, turning immediately toward the bridge and walking towards the person at a quick pace. They turned towards him and stumbled, nearly falling until they grabbed hold of a lamppost, almost by instinct.  
“Leave me alone,” they said, their voice choked up but still, somehow, familiar. Gabriel approached them as slowly as he thought appropriate—he didn’t want to scare them, but he wanted to be sure they didn’t do anything rash. They turned to him, tears streaming down their face, and—  
“Henry?”  
“Gabriel?”  
“What on earth are you—” He reached out to take Henry’s hand, but he pulled back, stepping closer to the edge of the bridge. Gabriel felt his heart stop for a moment, and he immediately grabbed him by the arm, pulling him down from the wall of the bridge.   
“Let me go!” His whole body was shaking with sobs as he tried to get out of Gabriel’s hold. It was only then that he noticed that Henry wore a skirt underneath the greatcoat that covered the rest of his body.  
“You’re wearing—”  
“Shut up!” Again, he pulled away, wrenching his arm from Gabriel’s grip. The force caused him to fall backwards into the wall, sitting with his back against it. He tried to pull himself up, but Gabriel pushed him down again, forcing him to sit. Again, Henry tried as hard as he could to get away from him, but he was too weak to even move.  
For the first time, Gabriel got a good look at Henry. What he saw made his heart wrench.   
His hair had faded from its typical bright red and was now shot through with white, and he’d kept it short, which surprised him a great deal. Gabriel remembered well the night that Henry had cut off his hair; the whole experience had been practically traumatizing for him. He’d been incredibly drunk and incredibly angry and it had been up to him to make sure he didn’t make any other poorly thought out decisions.   
That wasn’t the only thing that had gotten worse, though. There were heavy dark circles under his eyes, and worry lines creased his brow, though Henry was the same age as he was. He had grown incredibly pale and thin, which, combined with his hair fading, made him look as if he’d been bleached.   
Everything about him seemed small and fragile. The skirt he wore was spread out across the ground, and Gabriel noticed that it was of rather good material—silk, perhaps? Why would he have such an expensive piece of clothing, and why on earth would he be wearing a dress?  
“Let me go,” Henry said with harsh vitriol in his voice. He glared at Gabriel with such a look of hate that he physically felt it in his chest.  
“I’m not going to—”  
“Just let me go!” His voice had once again become choked with tears, and with a sudden burst of strength, he pulled away from Gabriel and tried to climb back up onto the wall. For some reason, though, he slipped and fell onto the stones of the bridge again. Gabriel knelt beside, helping him up. The cause of his fall was soon made evident—he was wearing no shoes, only stockings. He frowned in confusion at the choice of clothing. First the skirt, now this. What was going on?  
“You will not do this.”   
“I’m not going to listen to—” He tried to stand again, but slipped and fell, looking up at Gabriel. His expression was pitiful. “Please just—please let me go. Why are you doing this?”  
“I’m not letting you die.”  
“Yes, you are!” Henry said, his voice cracking horribly. “You have to. You have to let me do this.”  
“You’re coming with me,” Gabriel said sharply, wrapping his arm around Henry’s waist and keeping him close at his side. He brought him away from the bridge, glad to realize that he was no longer struggling against it. The air was cold, and as he looked up he saw dark clouds forming overhead.   
He barely had time to react before it started pouring rain, soaking them both. Quickly he led Henry to somewhere hidden and sheltered.   
“Are you alright?”  
Henry nodded.   
“Do you want to go to my apartment, then?”  
“Are you sure that’s proper?” Henry said quietly, tucking a strand of hair behind his ear.   
“Just come with me,” he said, once again pulling Henry up so he stood upright and helping him back to the apartment he was renting. It was near enough that they didn’t need to worry about the rain as much.  
As he helped him to sit down, he accidentally brushed his hand against Henry’s chest. This, evidently, was the wrong thing to do. Henry looked terrified of him, and Gabriel felt the year of separation that they’d had more painfully than ever.   
“May I take your coat off? It’s drenched,” he said, aware of the uncomfortable formality of it all.   
“I can do it myself, Gabriel. I’m not a child,” he snapped, glaring at him for a moment before his expression softened once again and he took off his coat. There was a strange demureness in the way he moved that hadn’t been there before. As he handed him the greatcoat, his expression was shy and apologetic.  
He looked Henry over a few times, examining his clothing. The dress he wore was incredibly fine and well-made, if slightly old-fashioned, and of course there were the stockings, which were ruined with stains and a large tear in one leg. He also had a ribbon tied around his neck, which was nearly hidden by the collar of his dress.  
“What are you wearing?” he asked finally. It came out harsher than he’d intended.   
“I’m sorry,” Henry said quickly, his hands folded in his lap. “Please don’t be upset.”  
“I’m not upset,” Gabriel said calmly, putting out his hands in a pacifying gesture. Henry looked unconvinced; he still had a nervous expression on his face, which made him look about ten years older.   
“You’re not?”  
“No.”  
“But this—what I’m doing—”  
“I don’t know why you’re dressed the way you’re dressed, but I certainly won’t force you into anything you don’t find comfort in.”  
Henry looked up at him with wonder in his eyes. He almost looked as if he didn’t believe Gabriel.   
“Now. Tell me why you were on that bridge.”   
The sullen look reappeared on his face. “Why does it matter?” he said, his voice bitter. “You’ve never cared about it before. Why should it be any different now?”  
“Harry, please. I care about you.”  
“You didn’t for the whole year,” he said, glaring up at Gabriel. “You stopped caring when—”  
“I never stopped caring. I stopped talking to you when you cut us off and refused to see anyone or talk to me. I only stopped because you made me.” He was sure this wasn’t helping, but he couldn’t stop talking. “I wanted to see you, to make sure that you were alright, but you would never let me in. If you had just—”  
“Stop it! Stop!” Henry pressed his hands into his eyes, wiping away the tears that had started to fall. “I can’t—please don’t—”   
His voice broke off and he hid his face once again.  
“You need to let me in, Henry,” Gabriel said softly, moving his hands away from his eyes. “I know you’re scared, trust me, but I’m not going to let you shut me out again. I can’t let you do that to yourself.”  
Henry was crying even harder by this point, and reached up for Gabriel with none of his prior hesitation. He needed comfort, and he was luckily willing to put aside dignity for a moment in order to prioritize the affection he needed. Gabriel sat down beside him and gently pulled him into his arms, his hand finding its way into Henry’s hair and pulling him even closer.  
"Shh, it's alright," Gabriel said softly, pressing a kiss into Henry's neck. "You're going to be alright."  
Henry hid his face in Gabriel's shoulder, the tears coming slower now. He curled up close against him, his hands intertwined with Gabriel's. Though he was still shaking, he started to relax at last. As he finally settled in, muscles relaxing and eyes slipping closed, he nestled his face into Gabriel's neck and let himself relax.  
Gabriel sighed, picking him up in both arms, and gently kissed his forehead. He brought him into his bedroom and set him down in his bed.  
"You ought to stay for the night, my darling," he said, the endearment slipping out without him even noticing. "I won't let you leave, not in this state. No, you can sleep here, you can use my bed. I'll find someplace else."  
"Gabriel…" Henry's hand rested gently on the back of Gabriel's neck, pulling him in closer.   
"What is it, Harry?"  
"Stay."   
"Here? What, with you?" He wasn't as surprised as he should have been by the request.  
Henry nodded, looking up at him with that face he could never resist. With a sigh, he sat down beside him in the bed and ran a gentle hand through his hair.   
"You ought to change out of that dress. It won't do for you to sleep in it."  
"Fine," Henry sighed, standing up and starting to undo the clasps down the back of the dress, letting it fall from his body into a pile of sky-blue silk and reveal the petticoat he wore underneath. He turned back to Gabriel with an apologetic expression on his face.   
"Well. Are you coming back, or will you be sleeping standing up?"  
He sighed and sat back down with a huff, the petticoat spread around him in a circle of lace. Gabriel smiled at him and gently smoothed the skirts around him.  
"Gabriel?" he asked quietly. "Are you really not upset that I… that I'm wearing this? Really?"  
"Of course not, my darling," he said softly. "Now, you ought to go to sleep. It's been a very long day for you, hasn't it?"  
—  
Slowly but surely, Henry was recovering. He had slept the past day away and had finally woken up this past morning, curled up in Gabriel’s bed.   
“Good morning, darling,” Gabriel said, sitting beside Henry and placing a hand on his forehead. “Have you slept well? Not feeling too poorly, I hope?”  
“I still feel awful,” he said, sitting up. He looked somewhat ill, and when Gabriel placed a hand on his forehead, he felt how cold and damp the skin there was. Henry looked dizzy as he leaned on Gabriel, closing his eyes. “My head hurts.”  
“I’m sorry, my dear,” Gabriel said, trying to soothe away his pain. “Will you feel any better if you get dressed? Or are you going to stay in bed today?”  
“I ought to dress. It’s not proper for me to lay about all day, really.” With a great deal of effort, he stood, leaning on Gabriel as he made his way to the spot on the floor where he’d left the gown two nights before, and picked it up, trying to dress himself futilely. After a few moments of struggling, he handed the dress to Gabriel, who sighed and held his hand carefully as he stepped into the dress, making sure he didn’t fall.  
“Thank you,” he said softly, looking sadly at the ruined stockings on the floor. Gabriel stood and walked over to a trunk tucked in the corner of the apartment, blew off the dust, and unlocked it with a key.   
“What are you—no. Gabriel, please, you know I can’t—” But Gabriel was already digging through the trunk, tugging a slightly wrinkled set of stockings from inside and handing them to Henry.   
“You may have all of this,” he said, gesturing to the trunk. “Everything.”  
“No, I can’t take this.”  
“What use have I for it now? It’s been gathering dust since—since—”  
“Since our wedding day,” Henry said under his breath, releasing a gentle sigh. “What my father would think if he saw me now… I can’t bear it.”  
Gabriel took his hand and guided him to the bed, allowing him to sit down. “Do you need help with the stockings or shall I leave you to it? I’m sure I have something more proper for everyday wear in here—that gown is lovely, it really is, but you mustn’t ruin it by wearing it every day. I’ll find you a blouse and skirt, that should do you nicely, and a hat, too—you can hide your hair under there, it won’t look so out of place if you might just be hiding it all underneath a hat. Oh, and shoes, I can get you a pair—”  
“Why are you doing this for me?” Henry asked suddenly. Gabriel paused.   
“I’m doing this because I want to help you. I can’t just let you go without—”  
“But I’m… these clothes, all of this, I’m a deviant, Gabriel. I don’t deserve your help.”   
“Nonsense. Nothing could be further from the truth.”  
“But—you saw me that night, on the bridge.” He took a shuddering breath. “I’m insane. A deviant. Not fit for public society. I should just stop—”   
“And if you think that of yourself, then what must you think of me?” he said sharply, much harsher than he had intended. “If you’re a deviant just for wearing a dress once, what must I be? Have you thought of that, Henry? If you truly believe this about yourself, I must be even worse than you. Go on. Tell me what you think of me. Am I a deviant, too?”  
“No, no, no—” Henry shook his head, shaking hands sliding up to cover his ears. “Please, Gabriel—”  
“You still dare to call me that? If I am just like you, if I too am insane, then why would you sustain my delusions thus? You would only be sending me deeper into the pits of my hysteria.”  
“Gabriel, please!” Henry stood up, grabbing him by the wrist. His hand was still trembling, and he had tears in his eyes. “No more. Please don’t say that any more. I can’t—I can’t hear you say that about yourself, not after—”  
Gabriel sighed, letting his eyes slip closed. “I’m sorry,” he said, pulling Henry into a tight hug. “I’m so sorry for all of this. For the bridge, for not being able to help you sooner, I—” He let out a long sigh, still holding onto Henry as tightly as he could.   
“It’s alright. I’m sorry too.”   
They stood there for a long moment before Henry broke the embrace, stepping back and looking down at himself—himself? Gabriel pondered for a moment what to refer to Henry as now. He didn’t know whether he simply wanted a change of style, or if something innate to Henry had just now surfaced that he had been trying to fight for all these years. Certainly, Gabriel could understand those feelings.   
“What would you like me to call you now?” Gabriel said softly. “If you do not still prefer me to call you Henry, that is.”   
“Oh. I don’t—I hadn’t thought about that,” he said, wrapping his arms around himself. “I suppose, um, my name is still alright, I don’t have a particular aversion to it, but…”   
“It is difficult,” Gabriel said, placing a hand gently on Henry’s shoulder. “Perhaps… do you like ‘she’ or shall we find something else? Perhaps between the two, like…”  
“I don’t mind ‘she’, but… between is better.” Henry thought for a moment. “Perhaps ‘they’? It’s not uncommon for those of an unknown sex when speaking. Perhaps we could just adopt it ourselves for me. I know it’s rather odd at first, but—”  
“Oh, nonsense, it’s perfectly alright,” Gabriel said, smiling at them. Even thinking it felt more right than before—of course Henry wasn’t a man, they were just themself, and that’s what mattered. “Now, shall we find that blouse and skirt I was talking about? I think they would be a tad more comfortable than that gown.”  
Henry nodded, their hair tangled and in their face. Gabriel knelt beside the trunk and dug through it to produce a walking skirt and a fitted blouse as well as a jacket and matching hat to complete the suit. He set them aside and got to work on the buttons of Henry’s dress, allowing them to step out of it and into the skirt. Luckily, they seemed to be doing much better, so he left them to their own devices as he dug through the trunk some more and produced a small pouch from the bottom.   
By the time he had turned around, Henry was nearly done buttoning their blouse. “What is that?” they asked as they tucked the blouse into their skirt. “Something else to wear?”  
“Something like that. Finish dressing first, I’ll help you pin up your hair.”   
Henry sat down on the bed as Gabriel dug through the clothing in his trunk, fetching a set of hairpins and a small ribbon to tie up their hair, as well as another length of ribbon. There was nearly enough for a small knot at the top of their head, so he arranged it as neatly as he could and pinned it up, tucking it all in securely and then placing the hat on top. The other length of ribbon he tied around their neck gently, in the same manner as they had before.  
“There. Now for the jacket and you’ll be all dressed—admittedly it’s a bit out of fashion, but that’s alright.” He handed them the jacket and smoothed the lapels, admiring their look. “You look positively stunning, Henry, I really mean it. Oh, but you need shoes, let me see—will any of mine fit you?” He pulled out a practical pair of shoes and handed them to Henry, who stepped into them. “Well, they’re a bit tight, but we can lace them slightly looser and you’ll be fine.”  
After Henry had finished adjusting their outfit, they turned around to look in the mirror and gasped. Staring back at them was, evidently, a woman. Gabriel smiled as he watched Henry’s eyes light up, as they turned from side to side to admire it some more.  
He opened the pouch and produced two rings, smiling down at them fondly. Gabriel slipped on the ring Henry had worn at their wedding, thankful that they weren’t very different in size, and gently took Henry’s hand, placing the ring on their finger.  
“Oh, Gabriel, you saved these?” Henry looked down at him, the picture of love and affection. “Really, you didn’t need to, I thought you’d sold them!”  
“Nonsense, they’re a memory of our wedding,” he said with a gentle smile. “And I never want to forget that.”  
Henry took his hand, smiling more genuinely than Gabriel had ever seen them smile before. They stood a moment before the mirror, looking at themselves.   
“No use just looking in the mirror all day. Why don’t we go out?”  
“What—you mean dressed like this?” A note of panic entered Henry’s voice. “Gabriel, you know I can’t—”  
“And why not? You look lovely, and no one will know—”  
“But what if they do?”  
“Henry, please. Come on. It’s not dangerous.” With that, he took Henry by the hand and led them to the door, opening it and putting on his hat before walking outside.  
At first, Henry looked incredibly nervous, but those nerves were quickly replaced by a bit of hope. They even allowed themself a bit of happiness, some excitement even, as they passed unnoticed through the crowds on Gabriel’s arm.  
They stopped in a shop for a moment, where Henry admired a few new styles of jacket and lamented that they would never look quite right on them.  
“Miss, are you thinking about buying that jacket?” someone from behind them asked. Both Gabriel and Henry turned around to see the shopkeeper’s assistant standing behind the counter, looking at them.   
“Me?”   
“Yes, you. Who else? There’s only you two in the shop,” she said with a small laugh. “And you should buy it. It would look lovely with your hair—it’s such a gorgeous color. I’ve always admired red hair, but it wouldn’t look quite right on me, would it?” She smiled again, waiting for a reply.  
Henry looked at the jacket for a few moments more, a barely contained smile on their face. “Yes, I think I will buy it,” they said, picking it up and bringing it over to her.  
“Oh, lovely! You’ll look just marvelous in it, I think.” She wrapped the jacket up as Gabriel paid, smiling warmly at the both of them. “Goodbye, miss. Do drop by again sometime.”  
As they left, continuing on their stroll around town, Henry was positively glowing. They kept looking down at the jacket and smiling, holding it close to their chest. Once they had returned to Gabriel’s apartment, their small smile became unbridled joy.  
“She called me ‘miss’! And told me I’d look pretty—Gabriel, I’m—” Henry looked so pleased that Gabriel couldn’t help but smile, too. “I just can’t believe this is real.”  
“I’m happy for you,” he said, and he was.   
Henry sat down on the bed, still grinning widely, and looked down at the wedding ring they wore. “I’ve missed this, honestly,” they said, shifting the ring from side to side and watching how it shone. “The ring, and… and being married. To you.”  
“I suppose I’ve missed it, too,” Gabriel said, sitting beside them.  
“You suppose?” Henry asked teasingly, looking up at Gabriel with a halfway-flirtatious grin.   
“I’ve missed it,” he said decisively, looking right back at them.  
They stared at each other for a few moments, the silence unbearable, before Henry practically leapt onto Gabriel, raking their nails through his hair as they pulled him harshly into a kiss. He reciprocated, wrapping one arm around them and leaving the other arm flung across Henry's shoulders. After a long moment, as the kiss grew more desperate, Gabriel pulled away.  
"Fuck," he gasped out, quite eloquently. Henry pressed a kiss to the soft skin between Gabriel's neck and shoulder, and Gabriel cried out loudly, and that was the end of Gabriel's restraint.  
—  
Henry was next to him as he woke, pressing fluttering kisses to his chest and shoulder. He rolled over, wrapping his arms around Henry and smiling.   
"Good morning, beautiful," he said, kissing Henry softly.  
"Good morning," Henry said, massaging Gabriel's hips gently. "Do you want to go find something to eat for breakfast?"  
"Hm… can we stay a bit longer?" he asked, rolling his hips against Henry's. "I don't want to get up just yet."  
Henry nodded, running a hand through their messy hair. They pressed a gentle kiss to Gabriel's forehead, curling up even closer to him and giving him another kiss. Gabriel smiled wide at Henry.  
He’d missed this so much. He and Henry had kissed just once before that, on their wedding day, and even then it had been short and tiny. Just now, this had been the most contact he’d had with Henry, and he was already desperate for more.   
“I love you, Henry,” he said, still half-asleep. Henry laughed, smiling down at him teasingly.   
“I love you too, darling,” they replied, trailing easy fingers over his hips. “Now, are you actually ready for breakfast, darling?”  
Gabriel rolled his eyes, sitting up and smoothing out his hair. He looked down at himself and sighed, smoothing down his nightshirt. “Let’s just dress and we can go,” he said, tugging on the shirt and moving to get dressed. As he did, Henry wrapped their arms around his waist, nuzzling their face into his back.   
“I love you, darling,” they said. “All of you.”  
Gabriel sighed and pushed his hands off, looking down at Henry for a moment. “I’ll only be a moment.” He stripped off his shirt, not caring if Henry saw anymore. Wrapping up his chest, he got fully dressed and waited for Henry to dress as well. Once they’d finished, Henry hooked their arm into Gabriel’s, walking him towards the door.   
“Are you ready?”   
“Of course,” Gabriel said, pressing yet another kiss to Henry’s lips. He unlocked the door and led them, arm in arm, into the bright morning.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you so much for reading!! this one is a whole thing, wow. i honestly don't even know what this plot is but whatever i do what i want. as always, comments and kudos are appreciated.


End file.
